


It Was Always You

by frizz22



Category: Bull (TV 2016)
Genre: F/M, Fix-It, Gen, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-08-17 14:59:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16518689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frizz22/pseuds/frizz22
Summary: 3x01 Fix-ItJust watched the first episode of this season this week (I know, I’m behind). And I had to fix it. Starts at end of season 2.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Started as a one-shot and grew into a monster of a fic, hope you enjoy!

She sighed and pulled the comm out of her ear. It’d been a stressful case. Hell, it’d been a stressful couple of months; to the point that she’d started therapy. To the point that she’d considered quitting—but the real Jason had reappeared during this case…and it had taken her breath away. Had reminded her of one of the reasons she’d come to TAC to work in the first place. Reminded her how the codependency they’d developed over the years had once been healthy. Reminded her of feelings she’d been shoving aside. 

So, yes, to say that things had been stressful was an understatement. But now that the case was over and the real killer behind bars, she could relax. Maybe the whole team could relax, close their current cases without adding any more to their plate. Marissa smiled to herself at the thought, that would certainly be nice—and she was fairly confident that she could convince Jason to do it, take a lighter workload. 

And maybe, maybe in some of that downtime the two of them could talk. Really talk. About everything that had happened recently…and almost happened, in terms of her quitting. Yes, a small break was what they **all** needed. Marissa turned and began to shut off all the equipment, it was close enough to the end of the day that they wouldn’t need it. She was halfway done when her phone rang. She smirked, sure that it was Jason calling to brag about his genius and the victory. 

“Not even 5 minutes—“she started to tease, having answered the phone without checking to see who was calling. 

“They’re taking him away.” Came a hoarse interruption. 

Startled, Marissa checked to see who she was talking to, Benny. “What?” 

“The ambulance,” he replied, and she could hear him jogging and then hailing a cab. 

“Benny, what’re you—" 

“Bull. An ambulance just picked him up.” Benny stated, and then to the cab driver, “Bellevue hospital.” 

Marissa stumbled and caught herself on a table. “What happened?” The strangled question somehow made its way past her constricted throat. 

“I don’t know. Might’ve been a heart attack, the medics wouldn’t tell me anything… Can’t you drive any faster?!” He demanded, attention back on the cab driver. 

She swallowed hard, repeating quietly “a heart attack.” Her free hand came up to rest on her forehead. 

“It’s my fault.” Benny informed her grimly. “I knew something was wrong, off. He was pale and sweaty. But I let him, I let him go ahead without me.” And she could picture him throwing his free hand up in defeat in the back of the cab. 

Marissa realized she was still slumped against the table and quickly stood and rushed to her office to grab her things. “Benjamin Colón, you listen to me,” she cut in, voice thick with emotions. “This is **NOT** your fault.” She concluded vehemently, snatching her purse and locking her office. Benny huffed in return. “Don’t you do that.” She scolded, striding to the elevators. “How could you have possibly known?! Him being pale and sweaty could have indicated any number of things. This. Is. Not. Your. Fault. Say it back.” 

“Marissa—” 

“Say it.” She repeated firmly, stepping into the elevator and punching the button for the lobby. 

“This is not my fault,” he mumbled. 

Unsatisfied, Marissa pressed on, “again. Louder this time.” She instructed, stepping out of the elevator and thanking every deity that there were no extra stops to the lobby. Rushing outside, Marissa flung her arm into the air for a cab. 

“I’m not—” Benny began to argue. 

“Benny,” she interrupted him, her tone a warning. Just then a cab pulled up, she exhaled in relief and immediately instructed the drive to the hospital she’d heard Benny mention. 

“This isn’t my fault,” he conceded, stating the sentiment clearly. 

“Good. Now, I’m on my way, text me where to go when you get there?” 

“Of course, talk to you soon.” And with that Benny hung up. 

Marissa dropped her hands into her lap and clutched her phone tightly—trying to hide the fact that they were trembling. She’d been fine when she had been able to focus on Benny, making sure he knew this wasn’t on him. But now that there was no distraction her mind was whirling into overdrive and conjuring the most horrible scenarios. She could lose him. God, she couldn’t, she couldn’t lose him. A tear streaked down her cheek at the thought. She fiercely wiped it away—it wasn’t time for that. He would be fine. He had to be. 

Her thoughts were interrupted by a ping to her phone, Benny’s instructions. Just in time, she could see the hospital at the end of the street. She dashed out of the cab the moment it halted in front of the hospital, throwing money through the divider. Following the directions, Marissa made it to the cardiac unit in good time. 

As she neared the nurse’s station to ask for an update or room number Benny called her name. He hastened down the hall and Marissa gripped the counter, bracing herself. 

“He’s okay.” A relieved smile broke across his face. 

Marissa nodded, the lump in her throat too large to vocally acknowledge his statement. And suddenly she was crying. The tears she’d forced back in the cab spilling over now that she knew Jason was safe. Her hand came up to cover her mouth, a poor attempt at collecting herself. 

Alarmed, Benny rushed forward and gently guided her to a couch in the waiting area. He carefully wrapped an arm around her shoulders and allowed her to, quite literally, cry on his shoulder. After several minutes, Marissa composed herself enough to lift her head and scan the area. 

“The rest of the team?” She questioned, surprised that no one else had joined them. 

Scratching the back of his neck, “I didn’t, I didn’t call them.” Benny admitted, “I saw them taking him away and thought only of calling you and telling you. Making sure that you knew and were here for him.” Benny scrunched his brow, as if to try and determine why he’d felt that way, but shrugged and stated, “I’ll contact them now. Tell them everything’s okay.” Nodding, Benny stood and wandered off to a cell phone approved area of the waiting room. 

Inhaling deeply, Marissa stood as well and made her way to the bathroom to freshen up before making her way to Jason’s room. 

~~~~~~~~ 

The nurses had warned her that it could be hours before he woke up, but Marissa refused to budge, her hand firmly holding his where it rested on the bed. She wasn’t entirely sure how much time had passed, how many times Benny had restlessly stood up from his spot on the other side of the bed and paced out of the room only to return 15-20 minutes later. She just knew it felt like an eternity waiting for Jason to wake up. 

It was during one of Benny’s ‘excursions’ that Bull shifted, his hand flexing around her own. Marissa shot up straight in her chair, “Jason,” she murmured, running her thumb over the back of his hand. 

“Marissa?” He croaked, slightly disoriented. 

A watery exhale escaped her, “Oh, Jason, I’m here.” And fresh tears welled over her eyelids. 

“I—, I need help.” He admitted, voice cracking when he met her eyes and he clutched her hand tightly. “Will you?” 

She nodded quickly and gave him a tremulous smile before pressing a quick kiss to his forehead. “Always.” She reassured him. “Let me go get the doctor first to check on you and then we’ll figure this out together.” Her free hand came up to caress his cheek briefly as she turned to leave the room. 

~~~~~~~ 

Thankfully, Benny had told the rest of the team to wait, that he or Marissa would let them know once Bull was awake and ready for visitors. Benny had gone to the cafeteria to wait for the rest of the team, muttering about hospital smells and his abuela as he left. This gave them time to research facilities, Marissa examining various options and reading the results out loud to Bull for his opinion. 

To her dismay, he was adamant about a facility located in Arizona. Even though there were perfectly good programs available in New York, she thought huffily. No matter, she would find a flight and see him on support system visitation day. 

They were finalizing details, when Bull suddenly stated, “I don’t want to have contact with anyone while I’m there.” 

Marissa nodded, only half listening, “I’ll tell the team that you need some time and space.” She flashed a smile at him and then resumed typing into her tablet. “I certainly want you to call me when you land in Arizona though. And then you can just text or call me whenever you get the chance that first week to let me know how you’re settling in—” 

“Marissa,” he quietly cut in, placing a hand on her forearm. She halted her typing, tilted her head at him and hummed. “I mean,” and he paused, swallowing hard. Because he certainly didn’t want this, but he had to figure his own shit out. He had to stand on his own, no matter how much it hurt, and he had to get better. 

And while the healing process would likely go faster with his team, with Marissa, he knew that if he talked to her, if she visited when he was at his most raw and vulnerable that he’d confess certain feelings to her. And that certainly wouldn’t be the time to be making such admissions. So no, being in constant communication with her during that time wasn’t an option. “I mean no contact with anyone…including, including you.” 

She blinked at him and when his words registered the hurt that flickered across her features before she turned to hide her reaction had him almost taking the words back. A quiet, “oh,” her only verbal response. 

And he couldn’t help but notice that she quickly clicked out of several tabs on her tablet before shutting it off. “Marissa,” he murmured, hating that he’d hurt her, but unable to explain further without exposing the feelings he’d been burying for some time. 

“It’s just, it’ll be weeks, Jason.” She finally added, voice small, before returning her gaze to him and the pain was still present in her eyes. 

“And after a few days you’ll be wondering how you ever put up with me to begin with and be glad I’m gone.” He attempted to lighten the mood. Marissa scoffed and looked around the room, pointedly avoiding him. 

The tense silence was broken suddenly as the rest of the team came rushing through the door—oblivious to the atmosphere between their two bosses. Concern and admonishment’s pouring out of them in equal measure as they approached the bed. 

Marissa couldn’t help but smile at the team as she stood and backed up into the corner to allow the others to be closer to Jason. Might as well start this distance thing sooner rather than later, she thought bitterly, twisting her pinky ring. 

~~~~~~~~ 

It’d taken him longer to be released from the hospital than he would’ve liked, that coupled with two weeks of recovery at home before he could go to Arizona had Bull anxious to leave. He took a cab to the airport. Each team member had offered to take him, or at least accompany him if they lacked a vehicle, each had accepted his refusal easily enough. 

Except Marissa. She’d offered more than once to go with him—often trying to slip the offer in when she’d come to his apartment to make sure he was taking care of himself. But he’d refused, needing to get away before this new vulnerable state he found himself in blurted out something that couldn’t be taken back. And he knew airports were locations where such grand declarations occurred, so he really couldn’t allow Marissa to accompany him. 

He’d only just entered the airport and was searching for the correct airline when a sharp voice sounded behind him. 

“Jason Bull!” 

His head whipped around to see Marissa, unable to help the smile that came to his lips despite the faint strain that’d been present in their relationship since that day in the hospital, despite her fierce expression. And despite these things he couldn’t help but admire how beautiful she was in her light sweater, jeans and flats. God, he lov— 

“Did you really think you could leave without saying goodbye first?!” The question interrupted his thoughts, her voice cracking slightly. And he knew he’d hurt her even further by trying to sneak off. 

“Mariss, I was—” 

“Being selfish.” She cut in, eyes flashing in anger as she closed the distance between them. He was surprised when she wrapped her arms around his waist, pulling him into a tight hug; he’d been anticipating a slap. 

Quickly returning the hug, he chuckled. “Yeah, I was. Thought it would be easier this way,” he admitted. 

“For you.” 

“Yeah, for me.” He repeated quietly, resting his chin on her head. Unable to ignore how perfectly they fit together. 

“Well, I’m being selfish too then. Because I couldn’t let you leave the way you wanted.” She murmured, still tucked in his embrace. “I know things have been a little difficult between us, and I’m sorry.” Catching how his eyebrows flew up, Marissa elaborated. “I am so happy that you are getting the help you need, I was—am—just dreading not being able to talk to you. And I was being unfair about it. So, I’m sorry.” She pulled back slowly then, “but you’ll call me when you’re coming back, right?” 

And the doubt in her voice, that he wouldn’t want to contact her as soon as he was done with the program, had him rushing to reassure her. “Of course. I will absolutely call you.” Bull smiled and smoothed her hair back and cupped her cheek briefly. “I do have to go now though,” he indicated towards the gate. 

Marissa nodded, lips pressed together tightly least anything slip out that could ruin their friendship. “I’ll miss you,” she managed, cocking her head at him and giving him a one-sided smile. 

He pulled her back into another hug, trying to convey how much he’d miss her as well. “Bye Mariss,” he kissed the top of her head and broke the hug. “Time will fly by, I’ll be back before you know it.” 

She smiled and took a step back, clasping her hands to keep from hugging him again. “Bye Jay.” He nodded and hurried away before his resolve to not confess anything broke. He quickly checked his luggage and made his way to the first class expedited security check. He couldn’t help but turn back one more time, unable to resist getting a final glimpse of her. She waved and then turned and slipped away. An odd feeling that she was slipping away in more ways than one overcame him—Bull shook off the feeling and proceeded through security.


	2. Chapter 2

It'd been weeks and only silence. She hadn’t thought Jason would actually follow through with the no contact, not with her. They’d spoken almost every day for the past 7 years. From work topics to the most inane things like their chore list for that weekend or complaining about the most recent winner of Dancing with the Stars—a show Bull was proud to have gotten her hooked on. 

He was the one she called while grocery shopping to make the time pass faster, he called her almost every time he was driving (or being driven) somewhere. It was just such a natural and constant thing that Marissa hadn’t realized the frequency of it until there was nothing. And she wasn’t handling the silence well. Wasn’t handling the sudden loss of her best friend well. Wasn’t handling the loss of the man she lov—no. She wasn’t handling his absence well. 

She wasn’t proud of what she’d done to try and alleviate the hole Jason had left. But she needed something, someone. And after everything with Kyle…well, she wasn’t confident enough, didn’t trust herself enough yet, to find a stranger and trust him again. 

So, she’d gone to someone familiar. Someone she knew wouldn’t steal her money and betray her. She’d gone to her ex-husband, Greg. 

And it was good. Maybe a little like trying to have a square peg fill a rectangular hole—it didn’t quite do the job, but it was adequate. It was something. And she did feel better, feel somewhat happier even if that was tinged with something she refused to identify. 

Marissa knew that she and Greg had tried in the past. Had tried to rekindle and make things work, but it hadn’t taken then. She wasn’t sure why she thought it would be any different this time, why it would turn out differently and work now. Maybe she didn’t expect it to, but god, she missed Jason….and Greg, he was safe. 

He was safe, and he’d proposed. 

She hadn’t realized they were even close to that, the point of proposals and marriage. Sure, they knew one another, but they’d only been together a few weeks this time around. But she’d said yes, and he was slipping the ring on before her brain could catch up with her actions. 

Her first instinct was to call Jason. Ask him what he thought, confirm that this was far too much, far too fast. Ask him what she should do. The memory of their hug at the airport, how he’d caressed her cheek had her wanting to ask him if he had any particular reasons, possibly personal, for why she shouldn’t get married. 

But he wanted silence. He wanted nothing to do with anyone while he was recovering—including her. And that still hurt. When he’d informed her that he wanted zero contact, she’d had to hurriedly close several travel pages she’d been searching through for flights to visit him. 

And it was eating her up that he could so easily cut her out of his life. So, she hadn’t called. Not when she started dating Greg, not when he proposed, not when he tried to set the wedding for before Bull returned. She’d balked at the idea, unable to imagine Jason not being there, unable to think of how she’d tell him once he got back that she’d purposely left him out of a very important event in her life. 

So, as per his request, she’d maintained the horrible silence for weeks and weeks. Until, suddenly, it wasn’t silence anymore. 

He’d texted out of the blue, said he was back and would be in to work on Monday. Sent her a few instructions and nothing else. No call that he was done and coming back. No how are you, no how’s life, no I missed you…just two sentences about work. 

Marissa had gone to call him back immediately, call him on the bullshit…but paused, suddenly unsure. Perhaps they weren’t as close as she’d thought. That would explain the silence, not allowing visits, not even a catch-up text after the fact. Swallowing, she’d answered with just as distant a tone, _‘of course. I’ll handle everything. Glad you’re back.’_

She’d planned on maintaining that professional and distant tone with him. But come Monday, she hadn’t been able to help it, practically launching herself at him to welcome him back with a hug. His arms came up quickly, returning the gesture, making some comment about forgetting her name. She shook her head and smiled as he hugged Danny as well. 

Bull made light of coming back and quickly retreated to his office, knowing Marissa would follow him—if for nothing than to catch him up on what had happened at the office while he’d been away. He smiled when a soft knock sounded from behind him. “He’s not back yet.” He jokingly called out. 

Marissa smirked as she entered, “good. I’m getting used to using his office.” She teased, turning slightly to close the door behind her. “You look fantastic.” She remarked as she pivoted back to face him, when she was suddenly pulled into another hug—he’d apparently closed the space between them while she was shutting the door. This one far more intimate than the one they’d shared in the hallway. 

“I bet you say that to all the acute myocardial infarction survivors.” He quipped, arms banding tightly around her. “God, I missed you.” He breathed, suddenly more serious. 

Marissa released a watery chuckle and pressed her face into his neck, “could’ve fooled me.” She mumbled, clinging to him as well. Before he could interpret that statement, she continued, “how do you feel?” 

“It’s hard to explain. Everything feels new and a little brighter. But familiar and old and…maybe a little worn at the same time.” He replied and felt her smile against his skin, the sensation sending shivers up his spine. 

“I am really, really glad you’re here.” She whispered, squeezing him a little more. 

Bull grinned, “so glad to be here.” He murmured, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. 

Marissa broke the hug reluctantly, knowing that she needed to look him in the eye when she shared her news. Though as she stepped back she made sure to clasp her hands, effectively hiding the engagement ring. “There’s something I think you should know,” she began, smile faltering as her stomach suddenly twisted into knots at the prospect of actually telling him and not rehearsing in a mirror. 

“Ohh, surprises…love ‘em.” He remarked dryly when she paused. “And I have one for you too.” His hand brushed against the small box in his pocket. The reason why he hadn’t called her when he was coming back to New York, the reason he’d only managed two sentences in his first text to her in weeks. He’d known that if he called her it all would have come bubbling out. So, he’d abstained from calling, he wanted this to be perfect. 

He’d had a long time to think about it, and Marissa was really one of the only things in his life that made sense. Was a constant and he didn’t want to lose her, couldn’t lose her. Izzy had told him that he wasn’t good at being alone. It had taken him a little while to realize he hadn’t been, Marissa had always been there—if not in the same capacity Izzy had meant. But, if he was honest, he’d been in love with her for some time—the jealousy that had overwhelmed him when Kyle came into the picture had been a wake-up call. 

Bull wasn’t absolutely sure that she felt the same, but his gut told him she did. That the flirtatious banter, affectionate touches and frequent loaded looks that had been part of their relationship for years hinted at far more than either of them admitted. His gut told him that if he asked, she’d say yes and then the rest of his life post-heart attack could truly begin. 

Marissa’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts, “I know while you were in Arizona recovering, you asked everyone to stay away—not reach out to you. No email, no visits,” she gave him a significant look here and moved to continue when Bull interrupted. 

“Benny lost two cases,” he headed her off, no need for her to be worried about upsetting him with the news when he was already aware. “I know, they had internet. It was part of our recovery process—they teach you how to react to current events and,” he sighed here, “personal disappointments.” 

Marissa jumped in before he could make any more assumptions, before she lost her nerve. “I, I got engaged.” She announced weakly, lifting her hand to show Jason the ring. 

Bull’s heart felt like it was stopping again…he hadn’t prepared for how to deal with this kind of personal disappointment. Though disappointment was a gross understatement. “What?” He finally managed, though is sounded more like a croak. “To who?” He hadn’t been gone _that_ long, how the hell had this happened? 

“Greg. Greg Valerian, Greg.” She supplied, now nervously shifting her weight and playing with the ring. 

“Your ex.” 

“Well, not ex anymore.” She muttered sheepishly, remembering the team’s taunts from earlier. 

Bull floundering, completely unsure of how to respond. “Mariss, I—” and she was watching him with worried and expectant eyes, biting the inside of her lower lip. “I don’t know—” and he trailed off, unable to congratulate her like her should, unable to accept this loss, this growing pit inside him. He could feel his heart pounding and he resisted the urge to place a finger to his neck and time his pulse. 

She opened her mouth to elaborate when Danny knocked on the door. “Hey. There’s a Marshall Hitchcock here to see you from EquiSafe Insurance.” 

“That’s my surprise.” He latched onto the opportunity to change the subject, to pretend that his real surprise wasn’t burning a hole in his pocket. “Come on,” he attempted a grin, though he knew it was strained. He led the way out of his office, squeezing Marissa’s shoulder as he passed. 

~~~~~~~~~ 

He knew he shouldn’t be calling her, it was late. She was certainly asleep. But the less than lukewarm reception of their new case was making it hard for him to sleep. And when he couldn’t sleep his mind went into overdrive, making it even more difficult to get the sleep he’d been told he needed more of. But his usual method of knocking himself out, aka alcohol, was no longer an option. 

So, he’d called Marissa on instinct, because he was in the car and he always called her when he was in the car. And he also knew that she’d be able to soothe his mind and possibly answer some questions about something he’d just recently noticed. Her slightly groggy ‘hello’ brought a smile to his face. 

“Mariss, sorry to wake you. But I was lying in bed, reviewing everything that happened today, and I realized I never said hi to Cable. Was she even there?” 

Her response was hushed, and he could hear rustling in the background, likely her getting out of bed. “No, she wasn’t there. I didn’t want to bother you with it…but nobody seems to be able to locate her.” As if anticipating his next line of inquiry, she continued, “Danny’s on it. The whole place is on it. The second we hear from her or get some explanation, I will let you know.” 

Despite Marissa’s reassurances, Bull couldn’t help the spike of concern that went through him. They hadn’t been able to reach her via any method of technology? “Well, I’ll give her a call the second you and I hang up.” 

“Jason, everybody’s been giving her a call every 10 minutes. I’m sure there’s some kind of explanation and the second I have it I promise to share it with you.” She paused then, hearing traffic in the background. “Jason, it’s 1:30 in the morning where are you?” 

“I’m in a cab.” How had she known he wasn’t at home? 

“Heading where?” 

“Nowhere, just driving around.” He commented, gazing out the window. 

Nonplussed by his reply, Marissa shifted against the wall where she’d sat in the hallway—trying not to disturb Greg. “That sounds a little strange…should I be concerned?” 

Bull smiled at her worry, as unwarranted as it may be in this particular moment. “Well, like I said, I couldn’t sleep—so I started to take a walk. Did you know there’s a bar on almost every block in this city? Why on some there are even two or three… Anyway, I realized that walking wasn’t my safest option. So, I hailed a cab and what do you know, it works. By the time I see a bar the cars already moved past it and I’m safe. Too late, can’t go in. Damn, I’m smart.” 

Marissa huffed in amusement and shook her head, happy to hear some of his ridiculous self-assuredness, sometimes crossing into cockiness, return. Her amusement was short lived though, Greg appeared in the doorway and cleared his throat loudly. 

She glanced at Greg apologetically, but continued her conversation. “Don’t you think that maybe you could use some rest? You’re still on the mend,” she trailed off. 

Bull frowned, he had heard Greg clear his throat unnecessarily loud a moment before and now he could hear the low rumble of his voice in the background—likely complaining. He sighed, he shouldn’t have called—the brief soothing effect of Marissa’s voice had been ruined by the reminder that she was engaged. “Just say you need to get back in bed with your fiancé.” He grumbled. 

“Jason,” she paused peering around the hall table to where Greg was now sitting on the bed watching her. “I can still talk if you need to.” She offered softly, her voice inviting and warm. And he did, want to keep talking. Just to hear her voice after going so long without it. 

But another muffled comment from Greg sounded in the back, and it had Bull snapping at her. “Just say it.” The brief stunned silence in response to his tone had Bull regretting his reaction, and Marissa’s quiet parroting of his words back at him didn’t relieve the feeling. He needed off this call, couldn’t handle the cocktail of emotions welling up at the moment, so he rapidly switched into work mode. “Tell the team we need to meet at 9 o’clock.” 

Marissa worked her jaw slightly side-to-side, unsure what had gotten into Jason but certainly not appreciating it. “Will do.” Her clipped response ended the call. 

Bull dropped his head back against the seat, sighing heavily. He knew he wasn’t mad at Marissa, not exactly. He’d been the one who dropped off the face of the earth and refused to talk to her for weeks on end. She had a life outside of work, outside of him. 

They’d had a strictly, mostly strictly, platonic relationship—she was under no obligation to wait on him for anything. And yet….and yet she’d gone and started seeing Greg again, even gotten engaged to the man, without a word. Yes, he’d said he’d wanted silence, but he figured someone, _anyone_ , would have contacted him if something big like an engagement occurred. 

So maybe he was upset with her… but only because he was upset with himself and it was easier to displace those feelings onto Marissa. Bull turned his head and watched as the lights flicked by before instructing the cabbie to drive him home—trying not to imagine Marissa in bed with her fiancé. Not knowing that the getting back in bed with her fiancé was not going the way he thought. 

~~~~~ 

After they’d hung up, Marissa had leveraged herself up from the floor using the hall table and slowly flipped off the light. Somewhat unwillingly, she made her way back into the bedroom, slipped off her robe and plugged her phone back in—Greg had laid back down when she hung up, turning his back to her. 

She settled back in to sleep, expecting him to maintain the childish silent treatment, when his voice suddenly sounded from the other side of the bed. “Did you really need to take his call?” 

Closing her eyes for a moment and taking a deep breath before responding, Marissa replied simply, “yes.” 

Greg huffed angrily and sat up, switching on the lamp. “No, you didn’t.” 

Taken aback, Marissa sat up as well, irritation hardening her features. “Excuse me?” 

“You didn’t _need_ to take the call. He’s your boss, he doesn’t get to have access to you at all hours.” 

Irritation rapidly transformed into fury, “Jason is my best friend and my _partner_. And if I want to take a phone call or answer a text or communicate in any other way with my best friend, or anyone else for that matter, I will do that.” Greg opened his mouth as if to argue further and Marissa flung the covers back and got out of bed once more, unplugging her charger and picked up her phone as she left the room. 

Thrown by her actions, Greg demanded, “and where are you going?!” 

“The guest room, because I don’t want sleep in the same bed as you tonight.” 

“Babe, come on! Because I said your boss shouldn’t call you in the middle of the night?” 

Marissa rounded on him, one hand on the door, “because you’re trying to control what I do and who I talk to.” She retorted and strode down the hall. 

Greg shouted from his spot still in bed that that wasn’t what he meant, and she knew it. But Marissa ignored him and resisted the urge to call Jason back to talk out what had just happened. But he was pissed at her too for some reason so that wouldn’t help anything. Sighing, Marissa flopped back onto the guest bed—it appeared that no one was going to be getting any sleep tonight.


	3. Chapter 3

It hadn’t been a good day in court, there was no news on Cable’s whereabouts and the entire team was reluctant to work this case. It was one of those days where at the end of it he used to drink too much and sleep in his office. So why he felt the need to pile onto that, he didn’t know, but as Danny disappeared around the corner he turned to Marissa and asked, “how’s engaged life treating ya?”

Marissa froze in front of the screens, remembering all too well the sleepless night she’d had because of her fight with Greg. This was certainly **not** something she was going to share with Bull…not when he was acting the way he was. 

“Come on, let me have it. I know you’ve been dying to give it to me all day.” He knew she was irritated with him, likely because of his attitude the night before compounded with her opinion of this case. Bull wanted to give her a chance to air out her grievances without having to worry about the rest of the team. 

“Engaged life is good, thank you very much. I highly recommend it.” She hadn’t taken the opening, and her monotonous tone didn’t exactly welcome follow-up questions. 

Bull dropped his gaze, “yeah, I really think it’s going to catch on.” He attempted to joke, she couldn’t know how deeply her comment had cut. How he would’ve highly recommended engaged life too, if someone hadn’t proposed to the woman he loved first. 

Marissa rounded on him, hand on her hip. “Are you mad at me for getting engaged?” 

“Maybe a little jealous…” He confessed, slipping his hands into his pockets and leaning against a table. Marissa’s eyes widened, and she waited, waited for further explanation—and possibly hoping for one that reciprocated old, buried, but not yet dead, feelings. 

This was his chance, he’d already started to tell her, why not finish? But he lost his nerve, “jealous of your happiness.” He shrugged his shoulders, as if trying to convey that it was no big thing—this jealousy, but in truth a lead weight had just crushed his heart. Because he’d just walked right by the perfect chance to tell her everything. 

“Well, I don’t know what to do about that, Jason.” Marissa replied, a little shakily. If only he knew how quickly this ‘happiness’ with Greg was eroding, how fake it all felt now—now that Jason was back. How she couldn’t help but compare the two most important men in her life and notice that Greg just didn’t measure up. But none of that mattered, because while Jason was jealous, it wasn’t because he wanted to be with her; he envied what he thought she had. 

“You know, when I was lying there on those courthouse steps, with this elephant sitting on my chest. I kept hearing this voice in my head, it was my ex-wife. Telling me that I’m no good alone. She said that to me, a week before she got married again. Starting to think she might be right.” 

Marissa’s stance softened, despite her frustration with him and the fresh wave of pain from the reminder that certain feelings weren’t returned, she couldn’t help but want to comfort him. Before she could even begin though, Jason changed the subject—as if realizing the vulnerability he’d just exposed and needing to cover it up. 

“You really hate this case, don’t you?” 

“We all do. We all keep thinking… what if it were us?” Marissa shrugged, trying to play light of how devastating such news would be. “Three more years with the people you love. How do you put a price on that?” She gazed at him, thinking that their time together had almost been cut short, no warning, not even an extra three years—the thought terrified her still; no, you couldn’t put a price on it. 

Bull interrupted her thoughts, “no, I’m sorry. You’re being myopic.” He needed Marissa to understand why he’d taken the case, not just because of the money, but because there was a bigger picture to consider. “It’s about the greater good. It’s about resources. It’s about making sure that there’s something for everyone. And the simple fact is that everyone can’t have everything. I know because I just went through it.” 

“I **know** what you went through. I cried for weeks. I _prayed_ for weeks.” She informed him, voice hardening and anger surfacing at the implication that she didn’t know or possibly care about what had happened to him. “But Jason, what happened to you has nothing to do with the rest of us.” 

He felt his face fall, “how could you say that?” He asked quietly, one of his old demons rearing its’ head—that those he thought were closest to him didn’t really care what happened to him. 

“Cause you’re rich.” She stated bluntly, yet gently, as if sensing he’d interpreted it differently. “And yes, everybody gets it. Everybody can’t have everything, but it sure seems that people like you—people like Mr. Hitchcock, always manage to get theirs.” 

Her statement astounded him, and he was at a loss for words. Marissa shook her head, almost to herself as she reached for her coat and purse, “I’ll try and get you all that data from EquiSafe in the morning.” With that Marissa walked out of the office. 

Bull breathed heavily and checked his pulse, it was a little high but within range. Marissa was right—as usual. His money had allowed him to get the care he needed, had allowed him to travel to a state-of-the-art facility in Arizona to get the care he needed. Sighing he went and collected his things to head home as well—despite how much he wanted to sleep in his office after drinking too much.


	4. Chapter 4

The mock jury was still all red and the judge wasn’t doing them any favors. Bull somewhat reluctantly pocketed the check for a job he didn’t think he’d done well and headed back to the office. “Marissa?” He called out, but the entire office was dark except for a few security lights.

That wasn’t right, it was only 6, at least his core team should still be there. Shaking his head, Bull entered his office only to stop short—Marissa’s presence on his couch startling him. “You trying to give me another heart attack?” He teased, after overcoming his initial shock. 

“Just keeping a promise.” 

“What?” It was then, as he entered the room further, that he noticed the tear tracks on her cheeks, the pile of tissues on the table and her red-rimmed eyes. 

“I promised I’d tell you when we got news about Cable.” She explained, voice trembling. 

“Oh, god,” he mechanically walked over and dropped onto the couch next to her, automatically reaching for her hand and lacing their fingers togethers. 

“Chunk offered to stay and tell you. He was more collected. I, I think he was internalizing it all, you should talk to him tomorrow. Make sure he’s coping alright.” She began to ramble, her hold on his hand slightly painful. 

Bull tugged on her hand, “Marissa, please. What happened?” 

“You remember that bridge collapse earlier this week? Cable, she—," Marissa swallowed and then powered on, “she rented a car to visit some friends in Jersey. She was, god, Jason she was on that bridge. They found her under 30 feet of water.” She broke into fresh sobs and Bull released her hand and pulled her into a tight embrace. 

“Are they sure?” He asked thickly. 

Marissa nodded against his shoulder, arms wrapping around his waist as a strangled noise escaped his throat at the confirmation. 

They clung to one another for a long time. Until Marissa’s phone buzzed again and again and again from across the room with missed calls and texts. Until she couldn’t ignore them anymore. She slowly disentangled from him and went to check the messages; sighing she typed something rapidly into the phone before setting it down. 

“Greg.” She offered in explanation, settling next to Bull once more. 

“Do you need to go?” 

“Do you want me to stay?” She asked instead, hand coming to rest on his forearm. 

Yes, he thought. Always. But what came out of his mouth was, “I think I’ll be okay.” 

“You won’t do anything stupid?” 

He smiled softly at her and tucked her hair behind her ear. “I’m fine,” he assured her, though another tear slipped down his cheek. Marissa reached up to gently wipe the tear away, looked ready to argue that she’d stay, so he headed her off. “Go. Go home and be with, with Greg.” He nearly choked on the last words. 

She nodded uncertainly and stood, smoothing her dress. “You call me, if you even think about getting a drink. If you need to talk more, anything. You call me, okay?” Bull tried to dismissively wave his hand, but she caught it and sandwiched it between her own. “Promise me, Jason Bull, you’ll call.” 

“I promise,” he brought their hands to his lips and kissed the back of one of hers before releasing it. She smiled slightly and caressed his cheek before collecting her things and leaving. Bull sank further into the couch, debating whether he could sleep here for the night and not risk triggering other bad habits. Sighing, and hearing Marissa’s voice in his head, Bull stood as well, turned off his lights and headed home—regardless of how little he wanted to be there alone. 

~~~~~~~~~~ 

Marissa slipped back into her apartment, wanting nothing more than some wine and a hot bath where the steam and hot water would mask the redness from the crying she planned to do while in there. Her plans were immediately derailed by Greg, who accosted her in the entryway. 

“Where have you been?!” 

Marissa tiredly removed her coat, “I told you, an emergency with a coworker.” 

Greg snorted derisively, “was it Bull?” 

“No,” she answered curtly, feeling her throat tighten up again. She pushed past Greg and made her way into the kitchen to get that wine. 

“So?” 

She gripped the counter to try and gain control of her emotions. The tentative peace she’d felt after leaving Jason, the mutual comfort they’d provided one another, was gone. Grief was piling up again and Greg’s accusatory tone wasn’t helping. “It’s Cable.” She managed, grasping the wine bottle and somehow pouring herself a glass without spilling. 

“The tech girl?” Greg clarified, furrowing his brow. 

A shuddering breath shook her, and more tears leaked down her cheeks upon hearing Cable reduced to simply the ‘tech girl’. Greg hadn’t even remembered that she was missing—that Marissa and the rest of the team had been worried sick all week. 

Greg’s eyebrows flew up at her reaction and he hurriedly approached her, “Marissa?” He tentatively touched her shoulder. 

She shrugged him off roughly. “The ‘tech girl’,” she spat the title back at him and he recoiled slightly. “She’s dead.” Marissa had meant to be blunt, to startle him and it had the desired effect. But it was the first time she’d said that word…’dead’. First time she’d strung those particular words together and it had more tears rolling down her face. 

“Oh god, babe, I—” Greg reached for her again. 

“Don’t touch me.” She pushed past him again, anger burning out the grief for the moment. Marissa grabbed her phone and purse and stormed out of her apartment—Greg calling after her. She automatically dialed Jason’s number. “Where are you?” She demanded, swiping residual tears away angrily. 

“Not doing anything stupid,” came a reply that attempted to be cheeky, but was too tinged with loss to have the proper effect. Marissa gave a small chuckle, appreciating the attempt—and she could already feel all of her emotions coming down from where Greg had wound them up. 

“Not what I meant, Jay.” She softened, “Where are you?” 

“My place, it is late.” 

Marissa nodded, “okay,” and hung up before hailing a cab. She hadn’t realized quite how late it was—no wonder Greg had been worried. No…worried she could understand, what he’d been was suspicious. Interrogating her the moment she’d walked inside and then had been thoughtlessly cruel in his dismissal of Cable. 

Her chin trembled again at the thought of Cable, pressing her lips together Marissa managed to entire cab ride without crying, even made it upstairs to Bull’s apartment without breaking down too. She knocked on his door about 15 minutes after hanging up. 

Bull answered, clearly having expected her after their call, but confused nonetheless. “Mariss, what?” 

“Greg is an ass.” She supplied, discarding her heels by the door. 

He couldn’t help but smirk, “yeah, he is. You shouldn’t marry him.” Bull remarked dryly. 

Marissa huffed in reply, assuming Jason was just indignant on her behalf. “I also, I just needed to be with someone who understood.” A few of the tears she’d been fighting trekked down her cheeks. “And I missed the hell out of you, I—” 

Bull smiled tenderly at her and nodded, pulling her into a hug. “I get it.” His voice faltered a bit, clearing his throat he continued. “And I missed the hell out of you too.” He disengaged the hug but took her hand and towed her to his bedroom. “Thank you,” he added, releasing her hand in order to dig through his dresser. 

“For what?” 

“I didn’t want to be alone tonight.” He gave her a small smile over his shoulder before pulling out an oversized t-shirt and passing it to her. 

Marissa nodded and as she made her way to the bathroom to change, Bull could have sworn he heard her whisper, “me either,” in response to his comment. He frowned at the door as it shut behind her, things were worse with Greg than she had let on… the asshole had clearly upset her. Enough that her normally calm and logical demeanor had given way and she’d stormed out. Enough that she felt alone even when Greg was around. 

Sighing, Bull readied the bed, throwing the extra pillows into the corner of the room. While the circumstances that had brought Marissa to his apartment weren’t the best, he was glad she was there; he had meant what he said about not wanting to be alone. 

As he climbed into bed the bathroom door opened and Marissa came out in his t-shirt, her hair slightly mussed from changing and he tried quite hard not to stare. Tried not to think that she looked beautiful in his shirt and that her legs were amazing. He shook his head, reminding himself why she had come to begin with. 

He shifted to face her as she slipped under the covers with him to cup her cheek. “You okay?” 

“Am now.” She gave him a one-sided smile and pressed her face against his hand briefly before turning away to switch off the lamp on her side. Bull grinned and followed suit, placing his glasses on the side table as well. 

They each shifted and shimmied until they were comfortable, about a foot between them when Bull couldn’t keep his curiosity in check any longer. 

“So, Greg’s an ass?” 

Marissa huffed, “yeah.” Her hand crept across the distance between them only to find Jason’s hand doing the same. She smiled and intertwined their fingers. “Has been since…” she trailed off, Greg had been an ass since Jason had been back. But surely that wasn’t connected. 

“How so?” He probed when she’d been silent for a moment. 

“He’s been really overbearing. To the point that he’s trying to tell me I don’t need to talk to certain people, interrogating me when I’m late getting back. It’s not a worried-kind of questioning either, he’s suspicious and it’s like he doesn’t trust me. And then when I get angry about him being overbearing he says I’m overreacting.” Marissa sighed, her grip tightening on his for a moment before relaxing once more; as if her anger had made a brief reappearance. “Recently every interaction with him is a fight and it feels like it did—” she shook her head, unwilling to state out loud that it was like before. When they were close to deciding on a divorce. The honeymoon phase hadn’t lasted long this time around. 

“And tonight,” she exhaled shakily. “Tonight, he flippantly referred to Cable as the ‘tech girl’. Jason, he didn’t even remember that she’d been missing. That we were all worried sick about her and trying to find her all week. I know I talked about it more than once—he clearly wasn’t listening to me when I was upset and worried. I mean, this was about a person who was missing! About Cable! If he’s not listening to the big stuff like that, how can I expect him to pay attention to anything?” 

Bull frowned deeply, apparently Greg wasn’t the type to be supportive and Marissa had been shouldering all of this alone for a week. He should have noticed, but there had just been so much going on...His thoughts where interrupted and he glanced over at her when he heard a sniffle. 

“Sorry,” she whispered, swiping at the tears with her free hand. 

“Don’t be.” He replied, stroking his thumb over the back of the hand in his grasp. 

“I’m not crying about him.” She clarified firmly, “I don’t cry over men.” 

He quirked an eyebrow, though she couldn’t see it in the dark, hadn’t she said just yesterday that she’d cried for weeks after his heart attack? As if reading his mind, she continued, “I don’t cry over asshole men. It’s—” 

“Grief.” He offered, wanting to let her know that she didn’t have to explain, that he understood. 

Her relieved sigh told him that he’d read her correctly. “Yeah.” 

They laid there in silence for some time, each absorbed in their own thoughts. Long enough that when he couldn’t hold back his request anymore, he whispered just in case she was already asleep. 

“Mariss?” He murmured. She squeezed his hand in reply. “This will seem like an odd request, but can—” and before he could finish the statement she rolled over and snuggled against him, bringing their interlinked hands to rest against her chest. Bull exhaled in relief, shifting to face her, “thank you.” He tucked her hair behind her ear before wrapping his arm around her waist. 

“Sometimes you just need to be held.” She supplied, inching closer and slipping her arm around him as well, tangling their legs. “Everyone copes with loss differently.” 

He chuckled quietly, “I thought I was the psychologist here.” He teased pulling her closer until only their clasped hands separated them. Marissa only hummed, nuzzled his neck and then drifted off. Bull followed soon after, soothed by her presence and even breathes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clearly, I hate Greg-so he's a super dick in this fic. Oh well, haha. Hope you're enjoying it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, hope you enjoy!

They’d shifted throughout the night, to the extent that he was completely wrapped around her. Their bodies were all but melded together; her back pressed firmly against his chest, his legs tucked neatly behind hers, his arm tight around her—keeping her close. 

Bull woke with a sense of peace he hadn’t felt since leaving Arizona. Where he didn’t have to worry about much, where his only responsibility was to get better. But that feeling was back. This had been the first night all week that he hadn’t found himself in the back of a cab trying to outdrive his problems. 

And he knew it had everything to do with Marissa being with him. 

God, he wanted this…wanted it forever. He wanted the mutual support and comfort. He wanted to be the one she called for everything. The one she turned to when she was at her happiest, her lowest and every point in between. Bull couldn’t believe he’d been unaware of these feelings for so long. He was glad that he wasn’t anymore. But this thing with Greg had blindsided him and he wasn’t sure how to go about telling Marissa about his feelings. 

She was still sound asleep, breathing evenly and heavy against him. Bull smiled and pressed his nose into her hair, he then noticed her phone lighting up. Marissa had put it on silent the night before, not wanting to speak to Greg. 

He carefully peeked his head up and caught a glimpse of numerous notifications on Marissa’s screen before it went dark again. Likely Greg had called and texted long into the night to try and apologize, starting anew this morning—more agitated by the fact that she’d spent the night elsewhere. 

Bull felt a savage pleasure that Marissa had stormed out on Greg and ended up in his bed—to sleep only, but still. He carefully lowered his head once more and smiled when Marissa sighed and settled even more completely against him. 

Court wasn’t until that afternoon, if they wanted they could sleep in and stay like this until 10 or so. Bull grinned at the idea and let sleep take him again. 

~~~~~~~~ 

A few hours later he was coaxed back awake, Marissa’s fingers trailing along the arm he had slung over her. 

“Jason,” she intoned quietly. He grunted and snuggled impossibly closer to her. The low-throated chuckled that emanated from her in response had him smiling into her hair. “We have to get up,” she informed him, fingers still skimming along his skin. 

He hummed in response and simply buried his face against her neck. “Jason,” she tried again, and was it his imagination or was she a little breathless? Wanting to test her response, he carefully uncurled the hand he had around her waist and splayed it partially on her stomach and rib cage—effectively preventing her from moving. He felt and heard her breath hitch, and he purposely growled his response into her ear. 

“Marissa, we don’t _have_ to go anywhere.” Her responding shiver sent thrills through him—telling him that his gut instinct that she felt the same was accurate. 

“We’re late,” came a murmured reply, but she hadn’t tried to get up—opting to stay in his embrace. And in that moment, he considered confessing everything. Considered asking her to marry him, the ring was in his sock drawer. 

Before he could form the words, his cell phone rang shrilly. Bull grunted and was forced to roll over and grab the offending device, unwillingly releasing Marissa in the process. He sat up and leaned against the headboard as the caller spoke, picking up his glasses while he listened. 

Marissa paused when Jason let go of her. She knew she should’ve gotten up immediately. But she’d loved being held by him, how his voice rumbled in her ear, the way he’d kept her warm. Loved how he’d listened so closely to everything she’d said the night before, how he’d offered her comfort and support. So instead of leaving the bed she rolled to face Bull, propping herself up on the pillow they’d apparently been sharing seeing as how Jason’s was almost falling off the other side of the bed. 

“Benny,” he mouthed, when they made eye contact and then tapped his wrist as if to indicate that he was being chastised for being late. Bull then smirked and reached over to play with her hand where is was resting on the bed. “Uh huh, yeah, I’ll try and reach her. See you soon.” 

Marissa raised a brow at him as he hung up the phone. Bull, anticipating her question, remarked. “Benny couldn’t get ahold of you. Asked if I knew where you were, was tempted to tell him you were next to me in bed.” He grinned mischievously at her. 

“Jason,” she chuckled, though her eyes widened in warning. 

He shifted slightly closer to her, “Likely he was going to scold you for being late too.” He laughed softly, still playing with her fingers. 

Marissa checked the time and scrunched her nose. “I should get going, I have to go back to my apartment first for new clothes.” She murmured, finally sitting up and slowly withdrawing her hand from Jason’s grasp to stretch. 

“What’s wrong with this?” Bull reached over and plucked at the t-shirt where is stopped, hitting her mid-thigh—several of his finger tips just barely brushing against the skin there. And Marissa felt warmth pool inside her quickly at the action, but she couldn’t let him know how much he was affecting her… not yet. 

Instead she rolled her eyes playfully and stood up to head to the bathroom, “ha ha,” she teased. 

“I rather like it on you,” he remarked, peering at her over his glasses, unable to help how his eyes flicked up and down her form, taking in the vision in front of him. 

Though Marissa waved her hand dismissively at the comment, Bull didn’t miss how her cheeks flamed or how her lips tugged upwards before she disappeared into the other room. Grinning, he leveraged himself out of bed as well. 

“Coffee?” 

“Oh, yes!” Came a reply through the door, “decaf for you.” She added, sticking her head out of the bathroom. 

Bull huffed in exaggerated irritation and stuck out his tongue before heading to the kitchen, Marissa’s laughter following him as he did. 

She could smell the coffee when she exited the bedroom, pushing the final pin into her half-up hairdo with one hand and typing into her phone with the other. She’d replied to Benny, not wanting the man to worry any further and reassuring him that she would be in before court began. His reply made her smile wryly, though as another notification from Greg popped up, her mouth morphed into a scowl. Marissa shoved the phone deep into her purse. 

This morning, waking up in Jason’s embrace, it had been easy to forget, for a moment, why she was there in the first place. The events that had led her there, her lips trembled, and she swallowed hard—composing herself before following the smell of coffee into the kitchen. 

“Everything alright?” Bull asked, drawing her out of her thoughts and holding out a thermos of coffee so that she could take it with her. 

“Hmm?” She replied, taking a drink and sighing as the caffeine hit her system. Bull nodded at her bag, where he could hear her phone buzzing angrily. “Right now, yes.” She gave him a small smile and squeezed his forearm. “Thank you for everything, Jay. Really,” she squeezed his arm again and then headed towards the front door to claim her shoes. 

“Anytime,” he murmured, trailing after her with mug of coffee in his own. “And I should be thanking you too.” He wasn’t entirely sure what he would’ve done had he been left to his own devices after hearing about Cable. 

Marissa balanced against the wall as she slipped her shoes on and smiled softly at him once more. “See you soon.” She touched his cheek briefly before hurrying out the door and down the hall. 

She luckily caught a cab and made her way home to change. She doubted that Greg would’ve taken the day off to wait for her return; which was good, she needed time to think. Time to figure out how to end things. 

Even if Jason didn’t reciprocate these feelings, which she thought was unlikely based on this morning, Marissa knew she couldn’t continue this relationship with Greg. It wouldn’t be fair to either of them, but especially him, if she drew it out any longer now that she’d formally acknowledged her feelings.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. I got really into a new show and started writing fic for that too. This one should only have a chapter or 2 left though. Hope you enjoy :)

They’d won. Earning a huge paycheck in the process. So, why did he feel so slimy? Why were the woman’s anguished sobs echoing in his head and piercing him right through the heart? 

“Jason?” Came a quiet question in his ear—Marissa was still online with the comms. 

“I’m here.” 

“How?” She inquired, slumped over the desk, having sunk into a chair upon hearing the jury’s verdict. 

Bull rubbed his temples, “we got two jurors. Not on the mirror, but here.” He explained needlessly, knowing that wasn’t what Marissa had meant. 

He heard a sigh, followed by a “what are we going to do?” And he loved that they were on the same page. Bull glanced around, everyone else had filed out of the courtroom—only Benny was left hovering in the back waiting for him. 

“Give them the money.” He suggested. 

“What?” 

“The money is from the insurance company anyway. She’ll get those three extra years with her kids.” 

Marissa paused, “Jason, you can’t give them all of it.” 

“I could.” He muttered, a little petulant. 

She chuckled softly in his ear, “yes, you could. But as you so verbosely stated when you took this case, this is a business. We need to keep some of that money. You were gone for a bit and we lost a few cases, we actually needed this paycheck.” 

Bull found himself nodding, “you’re right. Enough then for the procedure and then a little extra for any other costs and to start a fund for her kids.” He could practically hear Marissa smiling through the comm. 

“That sounds perfect, Jay. You coming back to the office after?” 

“Yeah. But it might be a little while, I doubt the family took their time checking out of their hotel and legging it. I’ll probably have to catch them at the airport. I’ll see you soon though, thanks Mariss.” He popped the comm out of his ear and stood to go and talk to Benny. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Bull smiled as he entered the office, knowing that he’d upheld the ‘bigger picture’ he’d ranted to Marissa about and at the same time…did the right thing. He was also smiling, because on the trip back form the airport he’d made a decision. He was going to ask Marissa the question. 

They’d lost Cable. Even if his own brush with death hadn’t been enough to make him realize that life was fleeting—losing Cable…well, he wasn’t going to waste anymore time. He checked his pocket, for what was probably the twentieth time since picking it up after leaving the airport, that the box with the ring was still there. 

Marissa was one of the only ones left in the office. Grateful, Bull approached her and tapped her elbow before gesturing for her to follow him to his office. She nodded, set her tablet down and trailed after him; shutting the door behind her after she entered. 

“Hey, how did—” 

“I think it’s a mistake.” He blurted, cutting off her question about how things went at the airport. 

She blinked at him, taken aback, “what?” 

“Marrying Greg again. It’s a mistake. You shouldn’t do it.” 

Marissa couldn’t help but gape at him, dumbfounded for a moment before her heart swooped a tiny bit at the implication of his words. That she hadn’t read too much into their interactions that morning—or the countless ones over the years. “What?” She repeated, unable to articulate a better response. Unable to say that she’d already made that decision and was meeting with Greg later that night to end things. 

“Don’t marry Greg. Don’t. It didn’t work the first time, or any of the other times, for a reason. So, you could find the right person for you. The person who loves you no matter your work, where it takes you or how long it keeps you. The person who should’ve realized ages ago that you were the woman he loved. The person who, when he finally stopped running, went and bought a ring while in Arizona with the intent of asking a crazy question when he got back.” And he was watching her intently, trying to gauge her reaction. 

She swallowed hard, “Jason, are you…are you saying—?” 

“I love you.” 

The confession stole her breath away. It was everything she’d wanted to hear for years. Everything she’d hoped he’d say when she first told him she was engaged. “You bought a—” she began, trying to comprehend this sudden succession of events. 

And unexpectedly, he was down on one knee in front of her, holding out a small box with a beautiful ring propped up inside. “Marissa Morgan, you are a brilliant, compassionate, strong, gorgeous woman. I think I’ve been in love with you for years but was too blind to realize it. I’m sorry it took being insanely jealous of Kyle and a heart attack to make me face my feelings. I’m sorry I’m asking you now and not years ago. But I love you. And I would consider myself a very lucky man if you would agree to be my wife. Will you marry me?” 

Marissa exhaled shakily and found herself rapidly closing the space between them, falling to her knees and wrapping her arms around his neck, holding tightly. 

Bull returned the embrace in kind, though the ring was still in his hand. He waited a moment. Then, “Marissa?” 

“Yes.” She breathed, not releasing him from her hold. “I love you too.” Bull laughed in disbelief and joy, holding her more firmly against him. 

When they eventually pulled back, just a bit, Marissa framed his face and kissed him. And oh, this was how a kiss should make you feel, she thought before sinking further into it. When they broke apart for air, they both had a ridiculous smile as they stood up—each grumbling slightly about their joints. 

“I can make dinner—” He started to offer, still holding her hand tightly. 

Marissa’s smile faltered a bit, “I, I have to go.” 

Bull’s brow furrowed, “what? Why?” All he wanted to do was spend the rest of the night talking, holding her in his arms and exchanging kisses and the words of endearment they’d both withheld for so long. 

“I have to talk to Greg.” She informed him, playing with the engagement ring the other man had given her. 

Bull nodded, tucking his own ring back into his pocket. “Want me to come with you?” 

She smiled at the offer but shook her head, “I think that would make things worse.” 

He tilted his head in acknowledgment, he’d likely get punched if he accompanied Marissa. “Call me after?” He requested, cupping her cheek. 

“Of course,” she murmured, smiling up at him. “Talk to you later.” She pecked his cheek and then left. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Marissa made her way to Greg’s apartment—glad that when she’d contacted him earlier asking to talk, she’d asked that they meet there. Going up the elevator Marissa’s stomach was in knots. She’d already been nervous about the break up, always hated ending a relationship—no matter how justified. 

But she was also going straight from one engagement to another and it had her feeling elated and supremely guilty at the same time. Those closest to her wouldn’t judge, they might be surprised, but they’d say it was about time and be happy for her. 

She’d had no idea that Jason would propose, hadn’t even thought of approaching him about her feelings until a decent amount of time had passed. Not that she was upset about how events had turned out, it all felt perfectly right, but it wasn’t exactly the ideal way for things to play out. 

Knocking on the door, Marissa felt a flash of relief in the fact that they hadn’t had the chance to move in together yet—it reduced some of the mess. 

“Hey babe,” Greg greeted her tentatively, moving to kiss her. She turned her head and placed a hand on his chest. “What’s wrong? Is this still about the tech—, your coworker who died?” 

Anger swept through her again, because he _still_ couldn’t remember Cable’s name. But there was no reason to pick that fight when she was about to end things. “Can we?” She indicated towards the apartment, this wasn’t a conversation she wanted to have in the hallway. 

Greg nodded and led the way inside, Marissa trailing after him. As he stopped in the kitchen to grab a beer from the fridge, Marissa noticed his keys on the table in the hall. She wasn’t sure what possessed her to reach over and quickly slip the key to her apartment off the key chain—but it seemed like the right thing, or at least the easiest. 

When he turned around again, she carefully twisted the ring off. “Greg, I am so sorry. But I can’t—” 

Greg’s face fell, “this can’t be because of last night.” He murmured. 

“No, not completely.” She admitted. 

His features quickly contorted with anger. “Then it’s because of Bull, isn’t it?!” He slammed his beer down, sloshing it over the sides of the bottle. 

“Greg—” she hedged, eyeing him warily. 

Greg speared his hands through his hair. “It **is** because of him. I knew it!” He paced away, tapping his fingers against his leg before rounding on her. “Did you sleep with him?! Did he finally tell you he loved you?” 

Though stunned that Greg had realized something neither she nor Jason had admitted until an hour ago, Marissa retorted with an indignant, “no.” Affronted that he thought so little of her to think that she’d sleep with someone else while engaged to him—though the kiss she had shared with Jason floated in front of her accusingly for a moment. But she forged on. “Greg, we never should have tried to—” 

“Yes, we should have. It was going so well, until _he_ came back. And now you’re taking his calls at all hours, staying late at the office with him. Running off to him in the middle of the night.” The venom in his words shocked her, but she’d come here for a reason. 

Marissa sighed, “I was having doubts about us and how fast we were moving before Jason came back, Greg.” 

But he was just shaking his head, not listening to her. “I knew I should have insisted on getting married before he returned. If I’d done that, hadn’t let you talk me out of it, you wouldn’t be doing this now. We’d be married, and he wouldn’t be able to interfere.” 

She blinked, “wait, that’s why you wanted to get married so soon? Because you were threatened by Jason?” 

“For good reason!” He scoffed, throwing a hand in the air. “Marissa, I love you. We were finally getting it right. Don’t give up on us. Please.” Greg beseeched her, turning tender once more. 

But Marissa just shook her head, “no. We weren’t getting it right, Greg. We were just falling back into old, toxic patterns. No, I am sorry, Greg, but it’s over.” She placed the ring gently on the kitchen counter. “I shouldn’t have tried to fill the hole in my heart with you. It was unfair, and it was my mistake. I never should have let it get this far, not when, for some time, I’ve been in lov—” 

Greg suddenly stepped forward and grabbed her face, forcing his lips against hers. As if by cutting off her words he was erasing them and their meaning. 

She shoved him away, hand coming up automatically to wipe her mouth. “What the hell was that?!” She demanded, trembling slightly at the unwanted advance. 

“It wasn’t a mistake.” He insisted, reaching for her again. 

Marissa quickly sidestepped him, his hand just brushing her arm instead of latching onto it, and she headed for the door. “Yes, yes it was. And your actions this week and right now only further prove that to me. I’ll send you your things.” She glanced around the apartment as she retreated, looking for anything she’d need to send for—but realized that she’d never really left anything of importance there; a subconscious decision but an obvious one now. 

“ _My_ actions this week?!” He repeated incredulously. 

She kept walking backwards, hand behind her to try and find the door. “You’re controlling. Far more than I remember, telling me who to talk you, interrogating me, accusing me of sleeping with someone else. It’s over.” Marissa’s back hit the door then and quickly opening it she left, dodging his hand as he reached for her again. 

Hurrying down the stairs, she tried to ignore how, after a moment, she could hear his footsteps following her. Marissa picked up her speed and burst out of the building as Greg’s voice sounded above her. She rushed to the cab she’d left idling at the curb, an expensive but good decision in retrospect. 

She started to climb into in when Greg’s hand gripped her upper arm. “We can talk. We can figure this out. Don’t leave Marissa.” He spoke softly, but his nails dug into the fabric of her dress and pressed against her skin. 

“Let go, Greg. We’re done.” 

“No. You’re the one that contacted me. You’re the one that started all of this. You don’t just get to end things, walk away and not talk to me about it.” He stated in a low voice. 

Marissa tried to tug her arm away, “we did talk—you just don’t listen. Now let go.” She demanded, expression hard. Before Greg could respond the cab driver was out of the car and rounding the back of the vehicle. 

“This guy giving you trouble?” The driver’s eyes drifted to Greg’s hold on her arm and back to Marissa’s face. 

“Fuck off, this doesn’t—” Greg started to shout, only to interrupt himself with a yelp of pain, jumping back and holding his foot. Marissa quickly composed herself after stomping on Greg’s foot, having made sure to use her heel. 

“No, thank you, though. If you could just drive me—” she indicated to the cab and slipped inside, locking the door before Greg could recover. 

The cabby smiled and tipped his head at her, “sure thing ma’am.”


	7. Chapter 7

They were almost to Jason’s apartment when the driver glanced at her in the rearview mirror. “You okay? I know you’re one badass lady, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be shaken up. I can call the cops on him, I’ll give a good statement.” 

Marissa gave him a small smile, appreciative of his concern and offer—her faith in humanity restored a little. Though she was shaken by the encounter, shocked that Greg had grabbed her, she didn’t think the police were necessary. 

“No need for the cops, he was just upset. I broke off our engagement.” She explained, unsure why she was sharing. Maybe it was because New York cabbies had seen everything, and this probably wouldn’t even rank in the guy’s top five most interesting fares of the day. 

The man harrumphed, “good for you. Guy seemed like a bastard.” 

Marissa chuckled humorlessly, “yeah.” Turning and gazing out the window, she felt compelled to add “he wasn’t always.” 

The drive shrugged and pulled over, they’d arrived at Jason’s. “Here,” he handed her a business card through the divider. “Just in case you change your mind about the police. I never forget a face, especially not an asshole like his.” Nodding, Marissa pocketed the card. “This a safe place for you? He ain’t got a key? I wouldn’t put it past a guy like that.” 

“It’s the safest,” she assured the him. “Thank you.” Though she was suddenly very glad she’d taken her spare key back when Greg wasn’t paying attention. She didn’t think Greg would try anything, but now there wasn’t even the possibility. Marissa thanked the driver and exited the car. 

When she arrived at Jason’s door, she knocked a little harder than perhaps necessary. But she needed to see him, needed to be inside. 

He answered, confused. “Marissa, what? I thought it might be longer, that you’d call. What happened?” Bull gently touched her arm and she stepped eagerly into his embrace, hugging him hard. 

“Greg was more…resistant than I thought he’d be.” She murmured in explanation, sighing in relief as Jason began to rub a hand soothingly up and down her back. “He tried to make me see the error in my decision.” 

Bull’s hand stilled, “he what?” And there was a hard edge to his voice that Marissa had never heard before. “How?” 

Marissa shook her head and tightened her hug, “it doesn’t matter, I’m here now.” 

“Mariss…” 

Exhaling slowly, and knowing that Bull wouldn’t let it go, she reluctantly elaborated. “He kissed me, rather forcefully. He then, he then grabbed me to try and keep me from getting into my cab.” 

She felt a growl rumble through Jason’s chest, “he what?” He bit out, “I’ll—” and he was already starting to pull away from her. 

“Do nothing.” Marissa grasped his forearm to stop him from reaching for his keys. When Jason turned to face her once more, she framed his face, running her thumbs against his cheeks. “I want you here with me. Don’t go do something stupid.” She tipped up onto her toes and pressed a brief kiss to his lips. “Stay, please.” 

Reluctantly, Bull nodded and slid his arms back around her. As much as he wanted to go and pummel Greg, he couldn’t deny Marissa her request that he stay. He felt her relax against him when it was clear that he wasn’t going anywhere, and Bull knew he’d made the right decision. 

Marissa smiled at him and slipped a hand to the back of his neck to pull him into another kiss—a proper one. One where his arm banded around her back to hold her close as the other slid up her back and into her hair to tangle there. One that had little gasps and sighs escaping them both as it deepened and lengthened. One that erased Greg. 

One that when they broke had them both grinning like idiots before he swept her up into his arms and carrying her to the couch despite her protests about him recovering. The backs of his knees hit the couch and they half fell onto the cushions, Marissa landing in his lap. Marissa shook her head at him, the corners of her mouth tugging up before she leaned in and kissed him again as their hands began to roam. 

At some point, she wasn’t sure when or who, one of them suggested the bedroom and they made short work of getting there and falling into bed. 

~~~~~~ 

After, Marissa was pressed against his side as his hand played with her hair and trailed along her back intermittently. She hummed pleasantly at the sensation and stretched against him before kissing his shoulder. 

“I love the longer hair, by the way.” He murmured, sliding his hand up to tangle with her blonde tresses completely to tilt her head up so he could kiss her again. 

“Really?” 

Bull just hummed in reply, moving to kiss along her neck, his next words slightly muffled. “Couldn’t believe how much longer it got while I was in Arizona.” 

Marissa made some noise of acknowledgement and cocked her head a little further to give him better access. “Glad you like it…” She managed. 

“I love it and everything about you,” he rolled so that he hovered over her. 

“That so?” 

Bull raised a brow and kissed her, as if that was proof enough—it was. He suddenly pulled away, no longer on top of her and Marissa immediately missed his warmth and weight. 

“Jay, what are you—?” She began to ask as he leaned over the edge of the bed and groped around for something. 

He made a triumphant sound and leveraged himself back onto the bed. “Will you wear this now?” He presented the ring to her once more and she beamed, nodding and holding out her hand. And all she could feel was this overwhelming happiness, none of the bone-deep doubt that had pierced through her when Greg proposed. 

Bull slipped the ring on and turned her hand to kiss her palm before placing it on his chest, holding it there with his own. Marissa snuggled into his side once more. 

“How do you feel?” She asked quietly, watching him with wide eyes. 

He tightened the arm he had around her, "I've never been happier." He stated confidently, squeezing her hand. "How about you?" He returned the question, knowing that she was with him, but wanting to make sure there were no doubts or regrets. 

A smile blossomed across her lips, “everything feels new and a little brighter. But familiar and old and… maybe a little worn at the same time.” She recited, resting her chin on his chest to look at him. 

Bull grinned and kissed her again, knowing this was the beginning of everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this seems a little rushed, but I didn't plan on touching the other episodes of this season in this fic and knew if I didn't finish this now it would be a while until I did. Hope you enjoyed it.


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